Day 117: Saturday night!

The morning was very busy. Hair cuts, cleaning, other running around, taking my daughter to her voice lessons. Busy busy busy. Then I came home to do more cleaning and rest. My original plans got cancelled, unfortunately, but I got an invite to a birthday bash at the Revolver so I'm going, decked out in my slim jeans, engineers boots and a tight black t-shirt. I'm going to have some fun and just let whatever happens, happen. No muss, no fuss. No drama, no trauma. Just fun.

Protein and water are good and the testosterone shot is definitely doing it's job on everything. My emotions are very stable now and I'm feeling better than I was before. It just goes to show you that no matter how good you think you're feeling, there might be something you're missing that can make all of the difference. I'm also feeling stronger than before, which is honestly amazing to me. Tonight I feel like I can take on the world and win. Like nothing can stop me if I set my mind to what I want. So lets see what happens tonight.

Do Svidanja!

Day 116: Thor and dinner!

I took my daughter and ex-wife to see Thor tonight and then we went to dinner. An early Mother's day present for my ex. Good movie, but a little short. Beautiful panoramic shots and plenty of action and humor to satisfy just about anyone.

After the movie, we went to Cabo's for dinner. I had the tacos al carbon and ate about half of the meat. After that point my body just said "Stop." My ex and I had a nice adult conversation and bored my daughter to drowsy. I definitely discovered one thing. My ex and I are far better friends than we ever were as a couple. It was a good conversation. I also felt like she needed an adult to really talk to other than her coworkers, so she was glad for the opportunity to really talk.

I'll be glad when I can really eat and enjoy beef again. Beef is hard to digest to begin with and sleevers' stomachs don't handle it well in general. Mine sure didn't. After eating, my stomach was definitely upset. Not sick or queasy, but definitely a little pain going on. More adjustment, I suppose. Ona high note, the Testosterone shot my doctor gave me seems to be working. My emotions feel pretty stable right now and that's a good thing.

I have to get up and clean my place tomorrow morning so I can just relax on Sunday and not worry about anything. I take my daughter to her music lesson at noon and drop her off with her mother. We're both getting haircuts in the morning, so tomorrow is going to be busy.

That's all for tonight. More tomorrow!

Adios!

Day 115: Bad belly day

Uggghh. Woke up with a not-right feeling in my stomach today and it didn't get any better as the day went along. Just felt awful for most of the day. No matter what I did, I didn't feel any better. Walking, water, eating, nothing. I guess we all have days like that. I suppose. Now I'm getting a little headache as well. Just one of those days, I guess.

I can't wait for Friday. The new Thor movie comes out and I'm taking my daughter to go see it. It should be fun.

There are times that I miss being able to sit down and eat dinner with...well, anyone, really. But it feels like such a waste of money to go out and eat when I can't eat that much. I hope in time I'll be able to tolerate more things, but I'm only 4 months out right now, so that's going to change in time. I guess I just miss the social aspect of eating right now. I really don't miss the food. Don't really care about that part of it. Another adjustment that will come about further down the road.

I realized today that my daughter is starting to grow up. I don't mean just getting bigger. She's starting to mature. Her responses are less like a child and more like a tween, which is what she is now. She's becoming more independent in her thought and speech and making her own decision of what she wants. That's both saddening and thrilling at the same time. I'm saddened in that my baby is growing out of being a baby and thrilled to see her develop her own personality and her own way of thinking. Well, like any parent will tell you, she might grow up, but she will always be my baby. I was there when she was born and I was the first person she saw in the nursery. I can still remember the feel of her tiny hand in mine, the grip of her tiny fingers on one of mine. Her first words, her first crawl and walk. Those events will be etched into my memory forever. I'm looking forward to other firsts. Her first date, her first day in high school, so many others to come. And with my weight loss, I have a much better chance of actually living to see her do so much more. I see now how close I really was to dying far too young because of my weight. Never again will I let myself get like that. I might never reach my goal weight, but I'll accept being within 20 pounds of my goal weight on either side.

And right now, I want to offer thanks to the people that helped me get to where I am now. First to my parents for being there for me at the beginning of my surgery and for listening to me when I needed it. To my daughter for trying to understand and help me as I needed help. To my sister Dawn and her Boyfriend Scott for listening to me when I needed them most. To my Bro Wayne for trying to protect me even when I didn't want to be protected. For all my friends on Facebook who have also cheered me on or offered encouragement online. For Doctor James Atkinson, my surgeon, for being brilliant at what he does. And mostly to Cindy for being at the surgery and cheering me on every week as I lost my weight and giving me encouraging words when I needed them most. For giving me hope when I needed it the most. For being there when I needed her more that she will ever realize.

Thank you all.

Day 114: Contemplations on support

Lately I've been noticing that while I'm pretty much solo on doing this at home, I have lots of people that are pulling for me and cheering me on and really providing moral support for me. I've also noticed that some people that have a significant other in their life, or a super close friend, you know, that person that's supposed to help them through everything and be there for them and that person is less than supportive. Or worse, they're inconsistant and supportive one minute and nasty and almost abusive the next.

Not only do I not understand that, I'm actually really offended by it. This person is supposed to be there and provide moral support when we're at our lowest point but they don't do that. Why? What's the point of being that close to someone if they aren't going to consistently provide that support. I know in some cases the best friend has always been the "pretty" one and now that we're losing a bunch of weight that position is threatened. The significant other...that's really bothersome to me. This person should be bending over backwards to provide support. We're trying to lose weight, to get healthier, to live longer to be with them as long as possible. But they don't do it. The inconsistant ones are the worst because you can't tell how they will react to any given event or piece of news.

Now that I think about it...sometimes this journey is better traveled as a solo traveler. Maybe some days I feel a little alone, but at least I know what to expect from it. Maybe if both people have had the surgery then it would be mutually supportive. But when one has had it and the other hasn't, they will never understand what we've fought against all our lives or how hard a decision it was to make to get the surgery and then the prep work needed to get qualified for the surgery. There's no way they can understand what it means to us to finally win the battle against our weight problem unless they have been fighting it themselves. They can't know what it means to undergo this major, life-changing surgery that can't be reversed. Once its done, there's no going back. We're like this for the rest of our lives. Watching what we eat, getting our protein and water, exercising. We can't slack off at any of it.

I thank God for my friends and family and that they have all been so supportive. And I'm going to be there for any of them whenever they need my support.

Min Tian Jian!

Day 113: Support Group meeting tonight

Well, tonight was a very good meeting for the Gastric Surgery Support Group. Lots of talking and sharing of information and just general good feelings all around. Some people were there for encouragement, I tend to be the one there to offer encouragement. I told my story of my weight loss to date and went into details about how the hormone overdrive can make my mood swings truly epic in scale. This is the biggest drawback to losing the weight as rapidly as I have. The hormones can get really nasty in that case. I'm hoping that since my doctor has put me back on the Testosterone treatment it will stabilize the mood swings. It did help before I had the surgery, so here's hoping it continues. If the testosterone treatment stabilizes my emotions, I'll stay on it for the rest of my life if need be. I want my emotional stability back the way it was. Maybe if I can get the mood swings and emotions under control, I can get the rest of what I want in time. Sometimes it takes a while to get the whole picture and you can't do that if there are pieces missing from the puzzle. Once I get all the pieces, then I can put the puzzle together. I think I have the pieces, but it's going to take time to put them together.

I also tickled most of the group's funny bones when I told them of the 35 pounds to the inch theory and that we had two members in the group who were living proof that the theory works. A couple of the ladies weren't too pleased to find out their girls are going to shrink down and thought it was downright unfair that we regain inches...of course, you have to have the inches to begin with. You're not going to regain several inches if they weren't hidden by the fat pad to begin with. I'm lucky in that regard. Well, at least I think I am. And I've discovered that what I think is what really counts for me. What others think doesn't matter for shit in my head. Like me, don't like me. Love me or Hate me. Want me or not. My mindset is now along the lines what I want is what matters most. If I want it bad enough, I'll find a way to get it. Given the fact that I don't give up easily that won't bode well for anybody that chooses to get in my way.

My self confidence has increased by leaps and bounds to the point where I have no shame. I will say whatever may be in my head and I won't hide my body anymore. I'm going to order some better fitting clothes this next week or go get them from JCP. I'm definitely going to have try on some new shoes, since almost everything I have feels loose and sloppy on my feet.

I am hoping to get down below the 250 mark before too long and see if my doctor will release me for the Krav Maga class. I really enjoyed that class and I want to go back, but I'm going to wait for the doctor to release me officially before I do it. I'm looking forward to my class reunion at the end of next month. 25 years since I've seen most of these people. It should be interesting.

Well, that's all for tonight. I will post again tomorrow.

Tioraidh!

Day 112: Monday weigh in and my doctor's appointment

So I got on the scale today and I'm down by one pound this week. I was hoping for more, but a one pound loss is still a loss so I'm good with that. Didn't get all my walking in today, but I'm not going to sweat it one way or the other. My work day started at 6 this morning so I could get to my doctor's appointment with my regular doctor. He got my lab results and sleep study results back and he thinks I can do without the sleep machine for now. Hallelujah. Now if my cholesterol would go down I could get off the damn Simcor once and for all. He's very pleased with my weight loss to date. I am too, come to think about it. My weight loss since surgery is 99 pounds and my overall weight loss is 126 pounds. I may have only lost 1 pound last week,but my body proportions have changed. My clothes are fitting differently and I know that I've lost inches, so I'm ok with everything as it is.

Without going into details, I'm going to offer a prayer for a friend now. I know it has nothing to do with my journey, but in this case, I'm making an exception.

O holy St. Anthony, gentlest of saints, your love for God and charity for His creatures made you worthy when on earth to possess miraculous powers.

Miracles waited on your word, which you were ever ready to speak for those in trouble or anxiety.

Encouraged by this thought I implore of you to obtain for my friend that which she seeks.

The answer to my prayer may require a miracle. Even so you are the Saint of Miracles.

O gentle and loving St. Anthony whose heart was ever full of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the sweet infant Jesus who loved to be folded in your arms, and the gratitude of my heart will ever be yours.

Amen.

Day 111: AAR on Saturday and my Sunday

I did go out last night to Calico Jack's. I sang two songs, It's a Sin and Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) and they were both crowd pleasers. Although they were pumping out so much chemical smoke last night that it played merry hob hell on my throat so I couldn't get my high voice and I really need it for Separate Ways. Oh well. My alcohol tolerance is getting better. I actually drank a whole Tom Collins last night and didn't waste half of it. I also drank two bottles of water to keep hydrated and to keep my vocal cords from getting too torn up by the chem smoke.

And today I went to Walmart to do some shopping and then relaxed and took everything very easy today. Chatted with a friend online, did some internet surfing, worked on my hobby stuff and watched a bunch of episodes of Doctor Who on Netflix streaming. I also watched A Clockwork Orange. That was seriously weird. Way beyond weird, actually. The only reason I even watched it is because the Doctor Who stream started tiling and skipping. That was annoying.

Getting a bit of a headache from looking at the computer screen too much today, so I'm ending this here. I know my blogs have gotten short of late, but since I promised to keep this blog about me from now on, it's going to be shorter and quieter for a while unless something really interesting happens regarding me and my weight loss.

Ciao!