Finis

A new blog!

http://jorcetbody.blogspot.com/

The end of the journey

I haven't posted on this in a long while and I don't see adding to this particular blog any further. This part of my journey has come to it's end. Starting Monday, I will be starting a new part of my journey, the reconstruction of my body through exercise and training. Once the new blog is ready, I will post a link both here and on facebook.

Goodbye, friends.

No day, but I wanted to share this.

I know it's been a long time since I posted, but I wrote this for one of my FB groups and I think it bears repeating here...

A conversation between me and the various voices in my head

[Clearly, there is a brouhaha going on with the boys as I stick my head in to investigate the ruckus.]

ME: What the hell’s going on in here?

The Ranger (TR): Sir, Feral’s straining at his chains again because of the incident with Cindy and Fat Kid keeps pushing his way out of his room.

ME: Isn’t it your job to keep those two under control?

TR: My job is make sure that you suck it up and keep going, no matter what the odds are and no matter how tough it gets. This babysitting shit sucks!

Fat Kid(FK): You don’t see it! I’m never gonna  get somebody who was as good as Cindy. We were lucky to have her in our lives and we fucked it all up! We lost her forever!

Feral(FE): LET ME GO, YOU DOOR-KICKING PIECE OF SHIT! I’M GONNA LET HER KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER BREAKING OUR HEART AND LEAVING US FOR SOMEONE LESS THAN WHAT WE ARE AND WILL BE! [GROWLS]

FK: This is all your fault, Feral! You just had to get out and say what you said and now she’s not even our friend! [starts blubbering]

TR: Enough of this, both of you!  [Struggles with holding onto the chain and pushing FK’s door closed]

FE: THINK YOU’RE TOUGH ENOUGH TO HOLD ME, RANGER? I DON’T! LET ME LOOSE AND I’LL TAKE CARE OF THE FAT KID AND CINDY AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO HURT US!

FK: I’ve been here longer than any of you! I’ve kept us safe from getting hurt by being too afraid to talk to women and just going with the flow of things.

TR: Sir, this is really getting out of hand! I can’t do this alone!

ME: You’re right, Ranger. Let me take this chain for a bit. {Grabs Feral’s Chain] Now listen up, Feral! I let you loose when Cindy told us what she told us because I needed you on the front line that day to keep me from breaking down into a heap at work. I should have put you back in your cage instead of letting you go further, but I didn’t. That was one of my many mistakes that day. You have your time and place, but you’re going back in the cage for now. I’ll let you loose when you’re needed again.

FE: [unintelligible howling of rage and fury]

[The Cage locks and Feral goes dormant]

TR: What about the Fat Kid, Sir?

Me: I got this, too. Look, Fat Kid, I admit you had the run of the place around here for a long time, but I’m not you. Not any more. We can’t be afraid and we can’t keep holding on to what we lost hoping we’ll get it back. Cindy made her decision and like it or not, we can’t change that. We have to go on and be happy with what we have. The problem here is that you still see us as the Fat Kid and we’re not that person anymore. We’ve lost the weight. Sometimes, when things change in our lives, everything has to change with it. Not just our bodies, but our minds and our circumstances have to change too. When someone walks away from us, it just means their part in our story has come to an end. But our story has to go on.

FK:[blubbering]  But we still love her, shouldn’t that count for something?

ME: Not in this case. She made a decision for herself, and I can’t fault her for that. I don’t have to like it, but I will respect it. We have to let go of the things from the past that hurt us and move towards the future. When the right one comes along, we’ll know it. Look in the mirror: your mirror shows you what you see, but it’s not reality. This is our reality now: Stronger, thinner and better than we were before.  We’re different enough that we got Sylvana’s attention, remember? And our success has inspired both Cindy and Stephanie and who knows how many other people? That’s our reality now. We can’t worry about what was. We have to focus on what is. The single most important thing for us to remember is that Candace looks to us for guidance, for everything. She is the single most important thing for us to worry about now, not whether we have a romantic factor in our life.  I’ll admit that I convinced myself that once we lost our weight Cindy would come back, but that was a delusion at best. She might come back into our life later, but not right now

FK: Do you think we’ll have another chance?

ME: We can’t think like that anymore, Fat Kid. We have to let go of the past. And you need to get back in your room. You’ll always be a part of us, but you can’t be in control anymore.

ME: [I shut the door and hear the latch click] Sorry, Ranger.

TR: It’s ok to cry, Sir. I know how much you’re hurting.

ME: Thanks. You’re doing a good job.

TR: Time to Ranger Up, sir. We have a day to get through.

ME: You’re right.