Monday, October 22, 2012

Sunday, October 21, 2012

The end of the journey

I haven't posted on this in a long while and I don't see adding to this particular blog any further. This part of my journey has come to it's end. Starting Monday, I will be starting a new part of my journey, the reconstruction of my body through exercise and training. Once the new blog is ready, I will post a link both here and on facebook.

Goodbye, friends.

Monday, April 30, 2012

No day, but I wanted to share this.

I know it's been a long time since I posted, but I wrote this for one of my FB groups and I think it bears repeating here...

A conversation between me and the various voices in my head
[Clearly, there is a brouhaha going on with the boys as I stick my head in to investigate the ruckus.]
ME: What the hell’s going on in here?

The Ranger (TR): Sir, Feral’s straining at his chains again because of the incident with Cindy and Fat Kid keeps pushing his way out of his room.

ME: Isn’t it your job to keep those two under control?

TR: My job is make sure that you suck it up and keep going, no matter what the odds are and no matter how tough it gets. This babysitting shit sucks!

Fat Kid(FK): You don’t see it! I’m never gonna  get somebody who was as good as Cindy. We were lucky to have her in our lives and we fucked it all up! We lost her forever!


FK: This is all your fault, Feral! You just had to get out and say what you said and now she’s not even our friend! [starts blubbering]

TR: Enough of this, both of you!  [Struggles with holding onto the chain and pushing FK’s door closed]


FK: I’ve been here longer than any of you! I’ve kept us safe from getting hurt by being too afraid to talk to women and just going with the flow of things.

TR: Sir, this is really getting out of hand! I can’t do this alone!

ME: You’re right, Ranger. Let me take this chain for a bit. {Grabs Feral’s Chain] Now listen up, Feral! I let you loose when Cindy told us what she told us because I needed you on the front line that day to keep me from breaking down into a heap at work. I should have put you back in your cage instead of letting you go further, but I didn’t. That was one of my many mistakes that day. You have your time and place, but you’re going back in the cage for now. I’ll let you loose when you’re needed again.

FE: [unintelligible howling of rage and fury]
[The Cage locks and Feral goes dormant]

TR: What about the Fat Kid, Sir?

Me: I got this, too. Look, Fat Kid, I admit you had the run of the place around here for a long time, but I’m not you. Not any more. We can’t be afraid and we can’t keep holding on to what we lost hoping we’ll get it back. Cindy made her decision and like it or not, we can’t change that. We have to go on and be happy with what we have. The problem here is that you still see us as the Fat Kid and we’re not that person anymore. We’ve lost the weight. Sometimes, when things change in our lives, everything has to change with it. Not just our bodies, but our minds and our circumstances have to change too. When someone walks away from us, it just means their part in our story has come to an end. But our story has to go on.

FK:[blubbering]  But we still love her, shouldn’t that count for something?

ME: Not in this case. She made a decision for herself, and I can’t fault her for that. I don’t have to like it, but I will respect it. We have to let go of the things from the past that hurt us and move towards the future. When the right one comes along, we’ll know it. Look in the mirror: your mirror shows you what you see, but it’s not reality. This is our reality now: Stronger, thinner and better than we were before.  We’re different enough that we got Sylvana’s attention, remember? And our success has inspired both Cindy and Stephanie and who knows how many other people? That’s our reality now. We can’t worry about what was. We have to focus on what is. The single most important thing for us to remember is that Candace looks to us for guidance, for everything. She is the single most important thing for us to worry about now, not whether we have a romantic factor in our life.  I’ll admit that I convinced myself that once we lost our weight Cindy would come back, but that was a delusion at best. She might come back into our life later, but not right now

FK: Do you think we’ll have another chance?

ME: We can’t think like that anymore, Fat Kid. We have to let go of the past. And you need to get back in your room. You’ll always be a part of us, but you can’t be in control anymore.

ME: [I shut the door and hear the latch click] Sorry, Ranger.

TR: It’s ok to cry, Sir. I know how much you’re hurting.

ME: Thanks. You’re doing a good job.

TR: Time to Ranger Up, sir. We have a day to get through.

ME: You’re right.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Day 279: GOAL!!!

No, I'm not a soccer fan. I stepped onto my scales this morning only to discover I have reached my goal weight of 225 pounds. I'm very happy today and really ready to take on the world all on my own now.

I know I've been severely lacking on the blog the last 3 weeks, but the muse just wasn't there and I really couldn't bring myself to fake the blog postings. If I blog when I don't have something specific on the weight loss front, I have a bad tendency to write about personal things that don't have much to do with the weight loss journey and that tends to cause more trouble than it's worth. I either hurt someone's feelings or I get into something that is better left in my private life. So if I don't have anything to write about regarding the weight loss, I'm just not going to write at all. It will mean far fewer posts from me, but it will make things far easier on me in the long run.

Right now, it feels like I'm slowly getting away from my old friends. I don't mean the ones from high school that I've known for a long time, but more the ones that I've had around for the last few years that I kind of had around because we shared some sort of common interest. Since I gave up a lot of those common interests, there's nothing left to share so we just drifted apart. C'est la vie, I suppose. The strongest new friendships I'm building seems to be with the people that have had Gastric Surgery as well. That's a shared experience that seems to build an instant bond with someone.

On the NSV side of reaching the goal, my boxer briefs and a shirts are now down to a size large. Regular shirts require me to get a size extra large because of my shoulders. I'm going to be talking to my doctor and getting my referral for my plastic surgery to get my excess skin removed. Once that's done, I'll be looking into getting lasik surgery done so I can be rid of my glasses. I guess I'm changing my entire look from this point forward. It's going to be an interesting ride!

Do svidanja!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Day 260: Loving life right now

Work aside, today is a good day. My clothes are fitting very well now, I'm getting close to my goal weight, and I feel FABULOUS! My stomach seems to have stabilized and I can eat most foods now, which is a nice thing. Since I can't eat a lot, I'd rather get a really good meal that has good flavor and nice texture rather than some cheap junky food that's all quantity and no quality. My emotional storms/rages seem to be drifting into the past now, I guess the hormonal balance has finally kicked in and hopefully the mood swings will just be a bad memory from here out. I feel stronger and faster than before and I'm actually looking forward to getting to talk to a plastic surgeon about getting my excess skin removed. The original referral didn't pan out, so I have to talk to my doctor again.

The thing about the excess skin is that as quickly as I lost the weight, there was no way for the skin to tighten up and keep up with the weight loss. It has tightened some, but not enough, especially on my abdomen and legs. I never thought of myself as vain before, but I can't stand the look of the sagging skin on me. It's honestly uglier than the fat was. I know it sounds completely shallow, but it's the truth. If you are going to have style, you must be true to the truth!

Once I get the skin removed, I will probably drop another 15 to 20 pounds and several clothes sizes. I can't wait!


Monday, September 26, 2011

Day 258: Monday weigh in and doctor's appointment.

So I stepped on the scales today to discover...body weight of 232 pounds.That's 3 pounds down for the week, 161 pounds lost since surgery, and 188 pounds lost overall. I'm within 7 pounds of my goal weight and I feel fantastic. The temperature was pretty mild at work today and I restarted my walks and that felt good too.

I had a doctor's appointment today and my ultrasound came back clean and he gave me the referral for the plastic surgeon to consult on getting the excess skin removed. He says that based on some things in my record, the surgery is a medical necessity, so my insurance should cover it. I'll have to call them tomorrow to ask.

Now it appears that I'm approaching the end of this part of the journey, but not to worry. I'm not intending to stop writing the blog when I get to the end of this journey. I'll just be starting a new path onto maintenance. I'll also start posting some more advisory style blogs for those who are also considering or on their own journey now.

Speaking of other people on their journey, Today is Cindy's four month anniversary since being sleeves and she is down to 209 pounds.That makes 70 pounds she's lost to date. I'm pleased with her progress and very proud of her. She's set her mind to bettering herself and she's doing it. That's what we're all doing, I suppose.

Do videnja!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Day 257: Major NSV Today!

Well, I finally broke down and went to get some new clothes at JCP today. My work slacks were just too big to deal with anymore. I sifted through the clearance section and found three pairs of slacks that looked nice,  not like the crap I usually see in the clearance sections at the big and tall man's stores. They were size 40, and were marked down to 13.50 apiece. I tried them on and they fit just about perfect. I wandered around the store looking at shoes and shirts, and worked my way back over in the men's section (Not the big and tall section) and saw some nice leather jackets on sale for 35.00, marked down from 80.00. I tried on the XL jacket, and it was too big for me! I was very excited when I tried on the L and it fit almost perfectly, just a little snug in the shoulders and arms. I spent a total of 65.00 with my discount coupon. That was less than I was expecting to spend for just 2 pairs of slacks.

For me, that is a major NSV on a couple of categories. I can buy a smaller size than I was expecting, I can buy in the normal men's section, and I can save money in the clearance sections. I have to say, I'm very pleased with the results of my surgery right now. I'm within 10 pounds of my goal weight and I'm able to buy much smaller clothes than I was ever expecting to wear again. I thought the smallest I would ever get into again would be a 2XL or an XL, not a L. This is the kind of thing I like to write about in this blog, but that kind of thing doesn't happen nearly often enough to maintain the blog on a daily basis. It also wouldn't give an accurate depiction of everything I've gone through over the last 9 months.If all I talk about are the good things, then someone considering the surgery and reads my blog might get the wrong idea that it's all happy happy joy joy once you have the surgery. I'll tell you right now, it isn't all happy happy joy joy. Most days are just like any other day, some days absolutely suck and others are all HhJj. Just like normal life. I'm at the point now where I can eat anything and my stomach can tolerate it, I just can't eat as much of it. I still keep my water and protein intake up, but I can eat whatever I want now.

I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow and talk to him about the skin removal surgery now that I'm so close to my goal. I just hope we've gotten enough records of issues to justify getting it covered under my insurance.

Sain bisu!