So today is day 250 since my surgery. I consider that a milestone to be acknowledged. 250 days since I underwent the surgery that has made such a major change in my life. I'm currently 179 pounds lighter than my heaviest weight as an adult. I've dropped 4 shirt sizes and 7 pants sizes. I'm borderline getting into a size 40 jeans, but I'm not going to buy another pair of jeans until I get into size 38s. It's just not going to happen. I will probably buy a couple of pairs of slacks here before too long since all of my current slacks are size 46's and they are just too big for me to wear. I'm going to wear them for the time being, but they are too big. My body proportions have changed at every level, and I really wasn't expecting the changes at the degree I'm seeing. I have lost not only weight, but I also lost something that was exceptionally precious to me. I know I haven't really gotten over that yet, but Stephanie is helping me in that regard. I have reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I have learned to acknowledge my limitations and weaknesses and to counter them with my new capabilities and strengths. I've acknowledged within myself that I can't please everyone and I can't even like certain people, no matter who may want me to like them. Not only is it not going to happen (ever), but in one case, the person in question has become and always will be my Mortal Enemy. If it ever comes down to a fight between us, I'll unleash every nasty trick I've picked up over the years and show them a whole new level of physical pain.
I've said it before, I'm a warrior by nature and I have no qualms against using my training and trickery in combat. I'm stronger and faster than I used to be, and that's impressive all by itself. I've decided that if someone steps in and takes something from me, they deserve no less than my undying enmity. If someone is foolish enough to decide to fight me, then they deserve no less than maiming or destruction by my hand. I will no longer just sit back and let someone take from me. I'm no longer going to be an emotional tampon, a punching bag, or a banker. If the only time I hear from you is when you're needing something from me, not any other time, then I know we're not friends anymore and I don't need to bend over backwards to help you any further.
If my words have hurt you, then you're one of the people who have hurt me and you know how you have treated me in the past and you have a very short timeframe to apologize for any wrong you have done me. If you have taken advantage of my good nature and willingness to help those I care for, if you want to keep me in your circle of friends, you had best start treating me as I deserve to be treated. I am not going to apologize for standing up for myself ever again.
Good night.
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