But before all that, my Best Friend were having a very frank discussion about sex. In particular about my sex life. I told her I had a date Saturday night that actually stretched into Sunday morning. I really didn't want to tell her that because I knew it would upset her, but she wanted the truth and I will not lie to her.
The next thing I know, she's telling me that she isn't strong enough to do this anymore and she needs me out of her life. She's says she's still too conflicted between me and him and I have to be out for them to have a chance. So quick as that, I'm out of her life.
Emotionally, I feel like I've just been beaten to within an inch of my life. I was crying during my walk, during my workout and I'm still crying now. She says it's not fair on him if she can't give herself entirely and she can't while I'm in her life.
This lyric from Rick Springfield's song "Don't Walk Away" sums it up for me:
"But I'm gonna hold on tight
I've got a feeling
You'll only happen once for me
And no one, not even you
Is gonna make you wrong for me"
But I told her if that's what she wants, then I'll step away. I guess if you really love somebody you have to set them free. So best friend, if you're reading this, you're free now. I hope you can find your happy place.
I was just hoping it would be with me.
You'll all excuse me, I need to focus myself and call up the strength to get past this and continue my journey.
A domani.
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