Day 154: Monday Weigh-in

So it's Monday. I said my mantra (Any loss is good, a stall is acceptable, gain is unacceptable) and did the necessary and stepped on the scale. My body weight is now 278 pounds. That's 2 pounds lost for the week, 115 pounds lost since surgery, and 142 pounds lost overall. I gave my measuring tape to my friend and haven't had a real opportunity to replace it yet, so I can't check that right now.

Given the issues I've been having lately with Kidney Stones, the whole weight loss thing has really been on the back burner for me. I'm going to get back to my workout routine tonight after my doctor's appointment. Provided he has some good news for me.

I have noticed that my pants are fitting a little looser over the last few days. Not enough to justify buying new ones (thank God), but they are a little looser than they were last week. Shirts are still fitting snug, but snug is good. They aren't tight, just snug. Think form-fitting.

Emotionally...I'm pretty well balanced right now, probably due to the Testosterone therapy.I still miss her and I still love her and want her back, but without the emotional storms/rages putting some power behind it, it's not destroying me bit by bit. Hopefully things will change before too much longer for the better one way or another. I've noticed that if the emotions are out of control for whatever reason, it makes the journey that much more difficult to deal with. Hormones will already go berserk due to the massive weight loss. Couple that with a Testosterone deficiency and...batten down the hatches is all I have to say.

I'm going to deviate from the mainstream of this forum for little bit right now. I know some of my readers have all sorts of personal questions that they want to ask me. I'm not going to answer a bunch that may have been in your heads and I'm not going to go into any details about her or what is going on between us. I am going to talk about my feelings regarding her.

Do you still love her? With all of my heart. I've loved her from the moment we actually met.

Can you forgive her after everything that happened? I already did.

Would you take her back? Yes, without hesitation.

Does it still hurt after all this time? It hasn't been that long and yes it does still hurt being away from her.

Why didn't you fight for her if you love her that much? Because it would have accomplished nothing and we would have ended up hating each other if I had fought at the time we split.

If your faith is what keeps you going on this, how do you not start questioning your faith? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that God is watching over me and if we were meant to be apart forever he wouldn't have given me the power of the faith I do have in this situation. I've spoken prior to this about my faith and the signs. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that the signs have always screamed out to me and struck very deep chords within me. If you've never experienced these kind of signs, you can't understand how powerful they are.

So that's the end of the questions for now. I hope this gives those of you who may have been wondering a little better insight and some answers to your questions.

Tschuss!