Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 45: Thursday (Where the hell is Friday?)

Wow. I had a very emotional day today. I was severely down for a big part of the day. I didn't know if it was a side effect from the surgery, or if I was being brought down by my relationship woes, or if I was losing my mind. All I know is that I was down. My friend saw a post of mine on Facebook and she asked me if I was ok. I answered no, and she asked if she could help. I told her that I didn't know, that I didn't know why I was so down, if it was surgery or something else. I really didn't want to burden her with it, so I told her thanks for caring, but I needed to work it out on my own.

Well, after lunch, I had to waste almost an hour in a useless meeting at work and I went from down to just pissed off at the waste of time. That change told me what was wrong. I'm not down because of relationship woes or surgery, I'm just having an ill day of it. Just a general bad mood and it's going to be tainted by what ever is foremost on my mind. If it's my relationship woes, I'm going to be depressed. If I'm pissed off at wasting time, I'm going to be seriously pissed off.

Having this sleeve has made me appreciate that I need to slow down and make certain of what's really going on in my head. Before, I might have taken it out on whoever I think is responsible for my woes without wondering what's really going on. Now I make sure what's really going on inside before I go into attack mode. That might have saved me from making a huge, irreparable mistake today. Say or do the wrong thing and all bets are off.

Honestly, there are times when I wish they would just revisit the Code Duello so if someone chooses to offend me or step in where they don't belong, I would have a recourse to call them out and take them down. But I have to wait for a self-defense scenario to pop up, and I don't think anyone is stupid enough to really want to challenge me.

Adios!

No comments:

Post a Comment