Day 191: What I see in the mirror

I was sitting back trying to come up with a topic for the blog and I looked over and saw myself in the bathroom mirror and it struck me, "Let's talk about the mirror. More specifically, let's look in there and see what other people see and compare it to what we see.

I look in and I see my dark, spiky hair, my green eyes, my glasses. A face still a little puffy with extra weight, some loose skin on my chin and neck. Well, that's to be expected when you lose as much weight as I've lost. Moving down I see a trim neck, pronounced clavicles, developed pecs and shoulders and more loose skin. Below that I see a midsection that is still packing lots of excess weight and loose skin. I turn around and look at my back. Again, developed shoulders, too much back hair, and more loose skin. My butt and thighs - WAY too much loose skin. Calves are well muscled but not any loose skin. Over all, I can see every scar, every flaw, every little problem place and sometimes it drives me crazy. And I understand why I can see all the flaws. No matter what we do, we are our own worst critics. It's hard to see the good when all you can see is the bad. And that's the biggest problem we have as obese people. All you can really see is the fat, no matter what other qualities you may have.

Now let's see what other people see. Try to, anyway. Dark hair. Bright, intelligent eyes. A quick (and according to my sister, a patented) charming smile, High cheekbones, a triangular face. Broad shoulders, a strong chest and arms. A narrow(er) waist and strong legs. Let's put some clothes over that and conceal the flaws. Physically, I'm impressive and handsome. I can see why I'm getting checked out by the ladies now. With the weight loss, my self confidence has really jumped and that makes me that much more attractive. Add in my quick wit and high intelligence paired with a good education and I'm worth pursuing. Now look at my capability for emotional bonding that anyone would see after being around me for any length of time. Add in my capacity to forgive and I might have just brushed into the "too good to be true" category. When people discover that I'm still friends with my exes I fall into the one in a billion category.

Wow. The physical flaws don't add up or even come close to all that. I've been too hard on myself for too long. I don't think I'm the only one that's been doing it, either. Get up, go in the bathroom, and look in the mirror and do a real review and acknowledgement of your physical form. Don't sugarcoat it, but don't be so harsh, either. Acknowledge the flaws but don't give them more weight than they deserve. Tally it all up and I think you'll see, like I did, that you have more pros than cons. In this case, you are a plus (and not just a plus size). Don't let anyone tell you different.

Off of the very important subject of me (remember, your not-so-humble scribe) Cindy has lost another 3 pounds this week and like I said earlier, I'm glad for her weight loss even though I didn't lose this week. She has also dropped from a size 22 pants to a size 18 and she's looking incredible. Like me, she looks like someone is turning her clock back. If you had come to me 18 months ago and told me what a huge difference the weight loss surgery would make in our lives, I would have scoffed at you. Being uninformed, I would have called it cheating or the easy way out. After the last six and a half months, I'll tell you it's not easy. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Fast, yes. Easy, no. But it's worth all the effort.

Ciao!