Day 92: moodiness and another sign...

Wow. Today was one of those "Sybil at the wheel" days for my mood. I wasn't feeling real up today to begin with, and then I saw a post on FB from a certain someone about she was taking her man to a romantic dinner for his birthday tonight. That was bad enough, but some had commented on it and wished ME a happy birthday because they didn't know. Well, I let that someone know so she could delete the offending remark before too many people saw it. I understand that she's trying to make this work between them, and her post stung a little, but the following comment just really dug in and hurt. Wounds just reopened wide. My mood was down from there.

I was coming back from lunch and trying to get myself focused and on the job, but it was tough. One of the ladies that works in the building and always encourages me and tells me how great I look saw me coming back from lunch and could see something was bothering me so she pulled me to the side to ask what was wrong. I told her and she said, "Sweetie, you are so awesome at doing all of this and you are a huge inspiration to a lot of people around here. Don't let yourself down because of this. Lots of people think you are awesome. All I could think was "except the one I want." She must have read my mind because she hugged me and said, "Give her time and stay focused on what you're doing. She'll come around in time."

Well, with that I lost it and went to the restroom to cry for a few minutes and let it out. If I tried to hold it in, I wouldn't have been able to do my job effectively. Between the mood and the sudden influx of someone reaching out to touch me when I needed it, I had to cry and let it go. I didn't ask for a sign, my belief and faith is still strong that it will work out, but I guess God decided that I needed a reaffirmation. I can only say,"How may I serve thee, Lord?" I know that He's watching over me and sending me in the right directions to get to where I need to be. I'd rather something more concrete than that, but I'll take it and go along with the plan. I'm sure things will work out in time, but not right now.

My mood is still down right now, but that will pass in time. I'm now going to offer a prayer for the journey:

In my journeying with you,
may I never lose my sense of direction,
never lose sight of the landmark
towards which I travel.
And should cloud or rain obscure my vision,
may I draw closer to you,
so that my feet may tread
in your footsteps,
your words be my encouragement,
and your love my protection
against the storms that assail me.

Amen.