Day 98: Monday weigh-in and acts of forgiveness.

I got on the scales this morning after repeating my mantra and saw that I lost 3 pounds this last week. That's 94 pounds lost since surgery, and 121 pounds lost overall. More importantly, it put me solidly to a body weight of 299 pounds, so I finally broke the 300 barrier. Yay me! I felt really good about that once it sunk in and I actually realized where I was. I wish everybody that had this surgery could have the kind of success I've been having. It just feels so good to see the pounds drop off.

This next part of today's entry started during my birthday party. Mei-mei was leaving and she passed on a birthday wish from someone else in my past, a girl by the name of Darci. She also passed on that Darci was sorry for what she had done to me. I told Mei-mei to give her my number so we could talk and resolve some things from the past. I'm recognizing now that to truly move forward, I have to let things in the past stay in the past. When Mei-mei told me about Darci, I knew what I had to do. For good or ill, I had to talk to her and get the past resolved. So we agreed to meet at a neutral place so we could talk and get things finished.

So we both show up and she tried to start with some small talk pleasantries, but I couldn't let it sit anymore and I told her that we had to get everything out in the open so I could let go and move forward. She immediately started apologizing for everything she did and everything she said. She didn't try to defend herself, she just explained what was going on in her head when she put me through the shitstorm that she did put me through. Once all was said and done, I thanked her for the apology and offered her my forgiveness for what was done in the past. I felt free after doing that, like something that had been gnawing on me finally let go and went away. Not only her apology, but my forgiving her made the difference. We then spent the next couple of hours talking about our significant others. Well, honestly, I spent the time talking about that certain someone and when it was all said and done, She said, "I hope and pray this all works out for you. You clearly love her in a way that you never loved me or Connie. I think she still loves you, but if us being friends is going to jeopardize you being happy with her, I'd rather walk away from here knowing you gave me the chance to apologize and you can go off and be happy with her. I hope that she will get back with you and take a chance to meet me so she will understand that I love you as a friend and as a teacher. You stepped in and showed me the way away from my darkness and into my happy place. If I never see you again, remember that you saved me and that I'll always treasure your friendship for being there when I needed you most."

With that, she walked away and I did too with tears in my eyes, knowing that I took the first step to getting to my future. My bro and I had a falling out a couple of weeks ago and I tried to call him to talk to him to thank him for trying to help even in his uncouth manner and to apologize for hanging up on him and to offer forgiveness for what he said that pissed me off so badly. I had to leave a message, but I tried to reach out. I hope he calls back.

The last thing I did in the attempt in my acts of forgiveness was to ask God to help me rid myself of the hatred I feel for someone and help me find the heart to forgive them. I also asked God to forgive me for holding that hatred the way I did. I have to let go of what happened then and focus on the now and the future.

So now I have to wait and see. It's all I can do right now.

Ciao!