Day 77: Then and Now...

I post these kinds of pics on my facebook support group every few weeks. Kind of a comparison of then and now so I can what everyone else is seeing. This particular pic really got my attention, though. I compared the pics and thought, "I can't believe those pics are both me. I can't believe those pics are the same person."

On further contemplation, I guess I'm not the same person anymore. Things in my life have changed. Major, life changing events have occurred that I had no choice but to change. Change or give up on myself. Those were the choices I had. I look at then and consider what was in my head then. I was smiling, but I don't think I was truly happy. I know I didn't make that costume look good, my weight had me worried for my health and I was always scared of losing that special someone in my life, that she would find someone thinner and better looking. That I couldn't live up to everything she wanted, so whenever she wanted something, I would say, "Whatever you want, baby. It's ok.". I deluded myself into thinking that giving her those things would keep her with me. Foolish me, all she wanted was for me to think of her as an equal and act like a partner in the relationship. To share time with her and build memories together. I know now that I didn't do that. Not enough, anyway.

I look at the now and I'm rapidly losing weight, I feel better than I have in a long time, I'm fitting into smaller clothes now, and while I lost that special someone as my partner, she's still a friend and a good friend. A best friend. I care about her and love her with all my heart and soul, and I'm doing this as much as for her as for myself. I want to really succeed at this so she can see that it works and it will work for her as well as it has for me. And as friends, I can't lose her. Not as long as we want to be friends. Boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever. Maybe from that as a basis, we can make a new beginning in the future. When we're both ready to see each other in a new light. It's not going to be trying to regain what we lost the first go around. It's going to be building from all new. It's not going to be a try. As a wise old alien once said, "Do, or do not. There is no try."

This ends our broadcasting day for today.

Min tian jian!