Day 120: 4 months out

Today is officially 4 months since I had my surgery. My weight as of yesterday was 292.0 lbs. That's a 2 pound loss from last week, 101 pounds lost since surgery and 128 pounds lost overall. The weather's been kind of weird around here the last 48 hours. Cold, windy and scattered showers. Abnormal weather for May. It was raining enough yesterday that I didn't walk at all. I'm not risking slipping and falling on my ass and getting soaked to the skin to walk in the rain. But I do need to get my self back into the gym and get my workouts going again. I think that's one of the reasons my weight loss has slowed over the last few weeks. I haven't been hitting the gym the way I should be. I'm getting my protein and water in and I've been working at getting my calorie intake to where it needs to be. I know it's been below where it needs to be.

On a bright note, I've been getting messages from old schoolmates on Facebook. I'm honestly surprised at how many people I have reading my blog and that are thanking me for sharing my journey with them. With all the reflection and introspection I've been doing lately I've come to realize that all my life I've pushed a lot of people away so I could avoid getting hurt. In some ways, that's a safer way to deal with it, but I refuse to live out the rest of my life as a hermit. Caves are too damn drafty. Although I guess my Condo would qualify as a man cave. But I've decided to reach out and make new friends and try to connect with old ones. What I've realized from these people reaching out to me is that I had friends and never realized it in high school and all I had to do was reach out to them. But when you get right down to it, I was too scared to reach out in fear of getting hurt, laughed at, or rejected. Seems silly now, but that fear was very real to me back then. But now, 25 years later, I can say simply, "You can laugh at me, you can reject me, but the only way you can hurt me is if I let you. And I'm not going to let you hurt me."

And if anyone thinks they can break me, that's when Feral will correct them. End of story.

Tschuss!